Let me tell you about Louise..

I have inherited the name Louise... No that's not some pervy secret, nor is it how I like to be referred to at the weekend..

Indeed, the name Louise tends mostly to be used as an insult between myself and that sweet angelic lady Charlie, who was mentioned many posts ago.. but where did it come from I hear you ask?.. (oh you didn't ask?.. tough.. be quiet and pay attention)

In a prior working life there used to be a very pretty young woman called Louise. Despite the fact this is quite complimentary, I still think I should spare her the indignity of plastering her surname over the net - the idea of her walking down the street with people pointing and whispering "look, that her" may not go down well..

anyhoo.. Pretty and slim and fit and blonde and..and...and.. etc as Louise was, her diet ( and I used the word literally) was ....shall we say dull?... or shall we say it would make even the staunchest vegan sneer ?..

The truth of the matter, is that Louise actually ate quite normally. The REAL problem was that Charlie and I ate like it was prohibition, then put on weight, then needed a scapegoat so who could we pick?... who was the slimmest, prettiest, likeable girl in the office that we could bring down?..

Just at that moment Louise walked in and as I offered her something (can't remember - cake, toast, side of wildebeest) she politely declined as she was full.!

Charlie & I started at each other with that fixed look of "Did she just refuse food?".....followed by "She can't be right in the head".... followed by "I bet she gets full on a grape".... "bitch".....



From that moment on, poor Louise was doomed... as far as we were concerned she was boring... didn't eat, didn't drink, got full on a lettuce leaf... etc

But don't get me wrong, we didn't dislike her or anything.. we were just fiercely jealous of her willpower and healthy lifestyle... Or as it computed to us, "that t-total bitch who gets full on a grape"...

So hence forth, anyone on a diet, a detox, a purge, a health kick, even a "No I'm not in the mood for a drink today", is branded..... " A Louise"

I discovered this yesterday when I called Charlie to tell her how well I was doing on my new regime... I could tell she was overjoyed for me when she said "Shut up Louise, you're boring me, goodbye!"... HOW RUDE!