BA, The World's favourite airline...

.........but not fucking today it aint!

I just checked my online booking for my flight to LA in May and i have been MOVED from the upper to the lower deck. I would not have been told and the mere fact i am a ba.com anorak is the only reason i noticed it!

I bet they have done this because i'm on a fully restricted ticket so they knew i couldn't just cancel it in disgust!

How fucking rude!!

NOT happy!

DO NOT pull that knob when approaching a dark tunnel

So this morning, I got up early for a change to go to the gym, get down to the Jubilee line platform to find a melee of bemused passengers staring at a train which is half in & half out of the station. Apparently a "lady was taken ill" on the train so as you would, in the middle of the rush hour, wait till the tube just starts to move, THEN pull the alarm handle!.

Fortunately, I was way early and had time to watch all the other caring passenger muttering "selfish cow, why did she have to be ill on MY train" etc etc..

Then just to add insult, the station manager came on the PA system to remind everyone that in the event of this happening to any of us, we should wait till the train in at the next station and not hold up everything by "pulling it in a tunnel".. how rude!

I hate the BBC

... and just to clarify, i don't mean that last bastion of British broadcasting... i mean the Bulgarian Blonde Cunt that sat behind me on my flight home.

There was only 4 of us "up the front" and for some reason all on one side of the plane (Tourette, one single fat or tilting plane joke will see your house burn down).. and this couple were in row 2 behind me. He was a very wealthy british man and she a very beautiful Bulgarian woman. She had attitude written all over her, but her but i forgave it as she had fabulous Jimmy Choos and a fur coat that would have made Jodie Marsh choke on her own tongue.

So we're airborne and i am about to recline my seat, and i think to myself, hmm this might annoy her so i'll move to the other side of the aisle so as not to inconvenience her. I stand up, she looks at me so i smile and say "I'll just move over here so i don't recline into you"

She screws her face up and in her best Zza Zza says "I'm not movink! - you can move if you like but i'm not movink!" and preceeds to glare at me.

I thought you miserable bitch. I should have just sat back down and reclined into those fake rum babbas for the whole flight. I'd even have managed to eat soup laying down just to piss her off, the mood she put me in.

However i gracefull bit my lip in the way that one does when you think "Christ to explain this will only make her worse"... and proceeded to spend the whole of the flight catching her glare at me out of the corner of my eye.

Misunderstaning?.. perhaps, but HOW RUDE!

Airline Lounges of the World :- Part 1

I am in Bulgaria at the moment. In the "Sofia" lounge at the airport which is their equivalent of a business class lounge. Taking Bulgaria aside for a moment, as thats a whole chapter on its own, i think i am going to start a report on all the lounges i ever visit as some of them need to be seen to be believed.

This one is a bit like a school canteen in style & layout but to be fair they are building a whole new airport at the moment so we'll see.

There is enough drink in this self service bar to kill everyone who has ever attended the Betty Ford clinic, although some peasant just put 2 lumps of ice in his red wine!.. yes thats 2 less to go in my 50/50 Bombay Saphire & tonic... How rude!!!

Buggering DVD!

Ok so I come home yesterday to a rather sheepish looking housemate who says "The DVD player is broken".. then proceeds to pack for a business trip and vacate to Amsterdam.

This is no regular DVD Player.. its some very complex american 300 disc carousel player which I clearly decide is fair game for me to repair myself. Those of you who know me well will already be holding their face in their hands, gently shaking from side to side muttering "no....no.....no!" - Last time I replaced the kitchen light switch, upon restoration of the mains, it blew off the wall across the kitchen... oops

After undoing all 437 screws, I get the lid off, remove "Man Rammer!" or whatever the gratuitous porn that he'd jammed it with! (why are porn DVD's thicker than normal ones?) and proceeded to try and re-attach the disc selection arm...

"SNAP!"

I stumble up to bed muttering obscenities at 3am with all 40,000 parts dis-assembled on the lounge floor..

Now what am I going to do....

Sulk....

Honey, Brown is over...

Ok, so all this week i am on a training course for Microsoft SQL Server... its so dull, i am having to nip myself to stay awake...

It appears that everything today is brown...

The desk, the Starbucks, the tutor (don't get me started on brown glasses, brown hair, borwn beard, brown cardigan, brown trousers, brown shoes etc)..

but the last straw came when in a moment of abject seriousness, he put a slide on the screen which in point 100 sized letters read

"Microsoft SQL 2000 backups, also referred to as CREATING A DUMP"

I blankly started into his eyes whilst, nipping my inner thigh and biting down on my lip to prevent the largest guffaw ever knocking him square in the face"

Are you serious Microsoft??

I can't be expected to tell my manager that i will be creating dump later in the afternoon when everyone has "logged" out of the network!!..

Good lord!